Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
