There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Holy shit dude........stairs
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
