Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
