ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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