I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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