yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
