On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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