I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize