It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
