i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
