I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
