Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
