Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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