I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
