Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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