I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
