How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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