Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
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