return my video game
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
