Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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