The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
