I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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