Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
