walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Randomize
