You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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