I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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