so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
