I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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