her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
This house was built for laser tag.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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