they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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