im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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