In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
