She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize