I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You took a bar mat shot.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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