I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
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