I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
