The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
