dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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