You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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