i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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