I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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