I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
