Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
