Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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