I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
