I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize