I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
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