im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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