My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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