wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
