I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
