Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
