That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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