Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
