i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
