i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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