We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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