The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
