i love accidental penises.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
