I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize