From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
