I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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