ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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