doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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