HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Yo dont text me then not text me
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize