i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
