Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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